terça-feira, 9 de novembro de 2010

INVISIBLE (por Anne Nicholson)

It's a subject I have a problem with. I always thought I would die early as in the poem of a friend of the Beatles Roger McGough back in the 60s - "Let me die a young man's death, not a clean between the sheets death ..." And here I am. 61.
One thing I feel about getting older is you become invisible to those around you who are younger. Or people talk down to you like the blind woman Nowell, who died recently at around 80, and when she was on a flight the hostess asked her would she like "uma aguinha" and she replied - No I'd like a double scotch.
I saw my sister recently and she has got into this grannie mode - white hair, shuffling about and asking people to help her with things. I am not ready for that.
In a way, I finally feel at some kind of peace with myself. Gone are the majority of 'angsts' that followed me through life. I have accepted myself for who I am and that makes me happy.
I do feel present society has become obsessed with being fit and having a trim body and no wrinkles and it’s plastic surgery if you don't. That does not interest me - I prefer your Susan Sarandon, Katherine Hepburn to the ridiculous "Plastic Peruas" of the US, Brazil etc. What I do love is to hear/read/see something and not feel my thoughts unworthy on the subject. Feel I passed the better half of my life trying to 'fit in' and now this doesn't bother me. I am me and have reached a state of happiness. Having my son has given me a sense of communication from trying to help another human being through life and growing up, their thoughts, their needs which I never had with my parents. In my family you were on your own the moment you could walk.
I am in the midst of laser treatment on my face (for rosacea) and it's more for making me feel good to have these red veins blitzed and not feel like red faced gringa. Gives me confidence.

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